Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Sod's Law?

by Bex

So, we have a plan.  It's a very low chance plan but it's a plan.  I am extremely realistic about this plan.  I do not expect it to work.  The doctors decided that they won't try the dilation again as my cervix is so curvy in it's S shape that the rigid metal instruments won't get round the bend without causing damage and preventing any further attempts to get through the canal successfully.  My private doctor has seen my MRI and is going to try to gain access for an FET (frozen embryo transfer) by sedating me heavily so he can manipulate my body how he needs to without worrying about me.  I guess being prepared for and having seen in detail the shape of my cervical canal this time, he may be able to navigate through to implant into my uterus but as I said, I don't have high hopes.  The last time it was attempted, we could see the catheter curling back on itself when it hit the corner so unless they have some slightly more sturdy tubes, I'm not sure they will be able to get round the bend regardless of my positioning.  Anyway, at least they are willing to give it a go and we have nothing to lose at this stage given that we have 6 embryos just waiting there.  This time though, I will not be excited when we attend for the procedure.  I will not be expecting to come out declaring that I am now officially an incubator and laying horizontally praying for clingy embryos for days after.  By thinking in this way, I am hoping to avoid the inevitable crash as our final hopes (because lets face it, we can't avoid having that little voice that says 'but it just might work...') fade to oblivion.

I am kind of hoping for sod's law to help us out though.  I naively wanted to avoid my baby being born in December when we first started trying as my birthday is in December and celebrating it has always disappointed me as it can be difficult for people when there is so much else going on in that month.  If this attempt works and we have a successful, full term pregnancy, we'd be due in December.  OBVIOUSLY this is no longer an issue for me.  I'd much rather that than no baby ever.  Maybe the universe is trying to teach me a lesson.

Also, if you believe in signs, this is currently for sale...



10 comments:

Amanda said...

I believe in signs.
I will be hoping and praying and sending you all the love and good vibes. Hugs Bex.

Fee said...

Max and I go to church every week to light a candle for the babies that are no longer here and the babies that are on their way - today we will light one for your baby and hope someone is listening.

Sending lots of love and hope xxx

Penny said...

Thinking of you lovely. Hoping and being let down is exhausting business. We'll all be hoping for you so feel free to pass the baton and relax!

Px

Siobhan said...

XXXX I hope so x

Kirsty | A Safe Mooring said...

Big huge hugs, you awesome lady. Hoping so hard for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm a huge believer in signs, and Sod's law - my fingers are firmly crossed for you!

Marlene McGaw said...

I'm a great believer in signs and wishing and hoping that this is your turn x
P.S if your baby birthday is around Christmas I'm sure it will have the most spectacular birthday parties(with your planning) to remember as well as Christmas time xxx

Lottie S said...

Fee-your comment is so beautiful! I love it and being from a large Irish catholic family, your actions resonate very deeply with me. Bless you!

Bex-All the VERY VERY best for this treatment. Christmas birthdays? No probs! You can just celebrate on the day AND do a half birthday in the summer, 6 months later. You of all people know how to make a good cake and throw an amazing party, it will be excellent.

Thinking of you and praying for you xxxx

Amanda M said...

Oh! Hoping for you so, SO hard.

Glasgow Mummy said...

I believe in signs too. Fingers crossed lovely xxx

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