Wednesday, 21 March 2012

It's OK, just look at the smiles

Not everything goes as intended when planning a wedding.  A few things at our wedding didn't go as planned...

Nik's outfit was a complete disaster and he ended up having to borrow one from his cousin, literally hours before the wedding!  I remember being shown via webcam from his hotel at midnight the night before (and feeling very unsure about it)!!

My bouquet wasn't at all what I expected.  I had asked for a wild textured green and white bouquet with green roses (the only reason I wanted roses at all when I discovered there were green ones, so unusual!) and even sent pictures of similar styles.  I ended up with yellow roses in a tight posy.

We were un-friended on facebook by one of Nik's friends after they didn't get the invite they were apparently expecting.  The message I received simply said Hi becky, thankyou guys for the "evening" invite. Unfortunately we won't be able to attend.  We had actually originally invited them to the full day, but after having the invite returned only to discover they'd moved without telling us - to England! - and figuring that we hadn't actually seen them in the 3 years since their wedding (or even heard from them except to say they couldn't make our engagement party) we decided we would rather have more room for other friends we had as yet been unable to fit in to the full day.

I received a rather hurtful email from a member of my family when we explained as politely as we could that we would be unable to accommodate his latest girlfriend who we not only had never met but hadn't even heard of until her name appeared on his RSVP.  (Which I found rather rude considering his invite was addressed purely to him with no plus one, bearing in mind the rest of his close family were all coming.)  As it is I only see him once every 5-10 years or so and wasn't overly upset when he said he would decline unless his girlfriend was invited too.  I just figured that he was obviously not that bothered about seeing us get married, whereas we have friends who do care and would love to be at the whole day.  He didn't come but chose to send above mentioned email just to make me feel bad.  Pretty glad he un-friended me on facebook as well since I can be doing without those kind of people in my life, family or not.  (I actually wanted to send him this article - especially the last few lines - but Nik likes to keep the peace!)

One of our chosen starters was changed without us knowing.  It was not at all tasty but all the other food was amazing.

My halter-neck was adjusted too tight and ended up digging in under my arms - by the time I realised how bad it was and tucked it in, I was left with sore red marks going up my chest!

The chair sashes were ordered from a specific company as they had the perfect matching olive green colour to complete the look of our ceremony room.  On the day, we had apple green with a blue-ish tinge which i noticed after and got a bit angry about (ridiculous I know and at least they weren't red!)

The champagne glasses didn't turn up and wasn't noticed until it was too late to get any more.  We had to use tumblers and wine glasses for the Bellinis and Champagne but people just pointed out they could fit more in!

Two day guests didn't turn up and didn't let us know (we noticed when we saw the empty seats at dinner (we had seated them near the front as well!) which was annoying not just because we had paid for their meals but the people on their table could have had more space if we'd known we could remove two chairs!  (When I texted from the top table to check everything was OK with them, was told they hadn't wanted to bother me on the wedding morning by texting! Would have much rather known!)  Also four evening guests just didn't turn up and we never heard from one couple again (had had a message on Facebook literally the day before from that one saying how excited they were to come!!) and the other apologised and said she would explain what happened and arrange to meet up and give us a gift - only to be never heard from again despite the occasional random fb comment. Why do people think this is OK?  (bothered about the rudeness of not turning up to someone's wedding without so much as an excuse, not about the lack of gift!)

Our 2nd photographer fell ill a couple of weeks before the wedding but our main photographer seemed convinced he would find a suitable replacement.  Sadly, most of his back ups fell through and the one we ended up with was not someone we would have chosen due to his more 'cheesy' style.  Reassured by our photographer that he would be doing all the editing himself we relaxed but on the day this photographer kept asking us to leave our wedding to travel to another local wedding venue to have pictures taken there!  We didn't want to go as we loved the setting of our own venue and didn't want to waste time travelling anywhere when we had specifically chosen somewhere we could stay at the whole day with our guests.  He then just walked off and left during the champagne reception!

Our photographer forgot to bring the photo list I'd sent him so ended up missing out quite a few of the photos on my wish list, I am mostly a little sad that we don't have a photo of us together with both families (parents and brothers).

The thing is, none of these things really mattered.  None of this managed to spoil our wedding day.  I surprised myself at how good I was at letting go and leaving everything in the hands of a few of our excellent suppliers and my godsend, Rebecca.  It's only now when I think back about our day that these things occasionally niggle at me, if only we had gone elsewhere with certain suppliers or chosen differently; Nik might have had the outfit we both wanted for him, I might have had my perfect green bouquet (instead of the yellowy posy I ended up with), we might have had a few more photos that I love.  But look what you can see in the ones I DO have...

Sorry the quality of some of them is poor, most were taken from facebook from our guests' photos!

You might think this is a rather vain post with all these pictures of me but I actually think most of these pictures don't do me any favours!  Look at all the double (even triple) chins!!  Plus I've always hated my gummy smile and how my top lip just disappears when I properly grin (although I do feel better about it now there's Paloma Faith)!  But I love them all anyway because just look at the emotion in my face!  I was literally smiling ALL day!  If I ever start thinking about the little things that didn't work out or wishing I had a photo of this or that - I just look at these photos and remember how I felt on the day and nothing can touch that.

Yes, eleven months of planning (or however long you have) does make the emphasis on one day so huge.  So much time goes into it and the fact these are decisions you might have agonised over or done hours of research into.  Some people may try and spoil it for you if they don't like your choices.  There are certain things you can't control (we were very lucky with the Glasgow weather considering it had been raining for weeks beforehand!) and some you can but at some stage you just need to let it go and enjoy it.

Besides, the only important thing about that day is coming away with a brand new husband!  You can see how happy that made me.


Penny said...

Looking at all those smiles really made me smile too (although I cannot BELIEVE that horrible photographer would suggest you left your own wedding??). It's funny that everyone has those moments, but nobody really cares in the end. We nearly didn't have a reception - got to the venue to set up and it was locked and bolted! And I was promised a hairdresser as a freebie and then it fell through, leaving me having to do it myself in a panic (I'm useless with my hair!) My mum did it in the end, but I didn't like it all day. But it didn't matter, it was such a happy day, and I'm smiling my face off in all our pictures too.


PS. Nope, still can't get over that photographer!!

Kate said...

Oh this is brilliant. It's so true, after the day, the little things are just not worth getting upset about.

This is my list of hiccups:

We invited an extra 100 guests at night. It was a buffet, I didn't chase people who didn't reply to the night invites. It was more informal, and I didn't need exact numbers. One of the guests never received his evening invite. I felt so guilty, and still do. This person was a client of mine, and part of the reason I didn't phone, was that I knew I'd be chased on some work I was doing for him, and didn't feel completely up todate. I wish I'd got up to date, and telephoned him.

We cut our evening guest list from 120 to 100, and there is one couple, I wish we'd not cut out.

We did a free bar, in the marquee and run out of cider quite early on. We'd also over ordered on some of the drinks, and bought to early to return, so we were left over with about £400 of alcohol. It's all gone now though!

The DJ had been brilliant at other weddings, but sent somebody else for ours, who wasn't as good. Everybody enjoyed chatting and taking advantage of free bar, so not all bad. The dancing never really got going though.

We didn't order enough photo thank yous, and put the evening guest thank yous on ordinary paper, as I was short of money at the time, and didn't want to spend money on thank yous. I regretted this.

We did our own flowers for the wedding day, except bouquets. I thought it would save us lots of money, and it probably only saved us about £300, and I'm not sure if it was worth the effort. I really enjoyed it, but mum admitted afterwards she found it stressful.

We booked the photographer as soon as we got engaged, at the time, I didn't think I cared about photographers, and plucked for the cheapest (£650). I liked the lady photographer. I ddin't do any reasearch though, and it was a very quick decision. On the day she turned up with her husband, he was hideous, and took it upon himself to organise the group photos. He kept putting us into cheesy shots, and I didn't know how to stop him with everybody watching. I was a bit disappointed with the photos. There are some nice ones amongst them though.

I regret spending so much money no my dress and veil. All in all my outfit cost about £900. I think I could have shopped around and got something just as nice, for much less. I felt comfortable in the dress, and felt it was me, and I would be happy marrying in the dress. I was right on this, but I was never completely in love with it. £900 is a lot to spend on something you don't love. I wish I'd either found something cheaper, as the dress was not that well paid, or a dress I was in love with.

I went for the hairdresser in the village, knowing she wasn't that good, but a lot cheaper than someone coming out to us. It only cost £50 for myself and three bridesmaids to have our hair done. I'd had a practice, and knew she could do a simple bun for me. I told the bridesmaids to choose their own styles. One of the bridemaids asked for loose waves, and came back in tears looking like a poodle. It really didn't suit her. We had to wash it out, and redo her hair ourselves. I wish I'd done a bit more research and spent a bit more on hair, as redoing her hair, and making small changes to the other bridesmaid hair, made us 15 minutes late to the church.

As you say, none of it really mattered.


Kate said...

Sorry I never meant it to be so long! I meant the dress was not well made, rather than well paid!


Bex said...

It's so silly of us to have these regrets isn't it, but I guess after all the emotion and hard work that goes into the planning if you look back and have things you wish you'd done differently then it's always going to be a little disappointing which is why it's so important to remember the bigger picture and the happy memories!!

We had a free bar too and my major worry was running out of something!! We bought most of ours at Costco so were able to return it even though it was 2-3 months later, saving us about £300! Although, like yours it probably would have been used up eventually. (We did keep some of the wine which has now gone!)

I'm glad you wrote a long comment as I felt getting them all down actually made them seem even smaller issues (worried it made me sound so superficial - chair sashes especially!) and quite therapeutic to just say, yep that wasn't as good as it could have been but it's OK. Think I'm ready to leave it behind now and just remember the good bits!

Ling said...

I don't think weddings ever turn out the way you planned it in your head! But I gotta say, your photos are great because it isn't a planned smile but they clearly captured the moment and you can totally tell how happy you are. Also loving your olive green eyeshadow and your dress! You look fab!

Our wedding was a mess too.

Noah split his trousers on the morning of the wedding - thank God he had a backup suit. But he had a raging fever and couldn't stop sweating throughout the whole ceremony.

My dress got dirtied coming out of the limo. The heat from wearing a veil made my fringe go frizzella!! One of my falsies came off and you can see it in the photos.

One of the worst things was our wedding photos. Our photographer was crapper than crap. Basically, my little brother could have done a better job with a point & shoot. I was SOOOO not happy. I am not a photographer but there was no depth of field and composition was so poor. I just get so mad thinking about it.

And there's more...I could go on ALL day!!!

P.S. Loving your blog, but I have subscribed via RSS and would love it if you could change your partial feed to full feed - pretty please!!! :) (In case, you don't have a clue what I am talking about - Thanks xoxo

Bex said...

Hi Ling, sorry I didn't realise it was on partial feed! Will go sort it out! :)


P.S. Glad you like the blog :)

Kate said...

Yes, the comment was therapeutic. I never meant it to be so long.

The free bar was brilliant, actually. We spend about £2,500 on alcohol. We were able to take £300 back, and were left with £400 alcohol worth. So deducting what we'd got left over, and split between ourselves, parents, inlaws, friends who'd leant us garden furniture - it cost us £1,800. Which was the best £1,800 I think we spent.

My only real regret was this client, not having received their invite. It was totally my fault. I wanted to thank this person for being my first client, when I set up my own business. This client was also a friend, but not close friend.

The other things didn't matter.

There were the nice surprises, such as the bouquets being so much better than anything I ever imagined. The men looking so smart. My mother-in-law doing an archway of flowers, for when we and guests walked into garden (from car park area), and it looking amazing. My mum working so hard (with some help from me and dad) on getting the garden looking beautiful. The make-up artist doing an amazing job, even though I didn't have a trial (she got that I wanted to look like I was on the red carpet, with smokey eyes, rather than bridal). The sun shining (even got sunburnt). The last minute decision to pay extra for limewashed chairs for marquee, as they finished the marquee perfectly with the cream carpet, and pink flowers. The name places with the handmade paper flowers, in the shade of pink that matched the bridesmaids bouquets (unplanned). I hadn't booked a videographer, but a family friend recorded it anyway, and I love our wedding video. The food was all divine, especially the evening buffet. The church service was better than I could ever have imagined, and the guests sang really loudly. The wedding cake, I'd made with my own fair hands, was delicious. The colours for the iced flowers on the cake, perfectly matched the bridesmaids bouquets. The speaches went well. It was a hoot!

Best of all, I married Andy.


kates said...

Oh god, I'm so glad I read this!! Our wedding wasn't perfect, and after the day itself I was left wondering if it was 'just me' that didn't have the ridiculously perfect day.

I'll try not to ramble on about the things I wasn't happy with but, here's just a few:

My (rather expensive) dress didn't fit me AT ALL. Was bitterly disappointed with the service and the quality. Managed to get it altered two days before the wedding, but on the morning of the wedding some buttons fell off. Not the dream!! Fortunately, my mum and best friend managed to stop me from realising until I left the church at least... and by then, I simply didn't care!!

Our wedding co-ordinator at the reception venue was CRAP. He didn't follow any of my plans for the day - things weren't done at all, he managed to lose various decorations etc... the list goes on. But I don't think anyone else noticed!

A few people just didn't turn up which really irritated me - because they RSVPed yes, and then didn't come, we had to pay for their place... needless to say, we've not heard from them since!

There are a few other things, but really, does it matter? I loved my flowers, the band, our service, the fact we partied ALL night with our nearest and dearest and most importantly I married the man I love. I look so happy in every single photo and so does my husband. The people that we care about were all there and we had a fab time regardless!

Just started reading your blog Bex - am loving it!


Bex said...

Hi Kate!

Thanks, glad you're liking my little corner of Blogville :)

You reminded me how annoyed I was about guests not turning up at our wedding either (have just edited that in!) and how awful about your dress! I think I will have to do a post of all the things I absolutely loved after this one complaining and hearing both sides of yours and Katie's.

I just wanted to get it out there how not everything is the way you imagine it will be but actually it's OK as long as you manage to enjoy the day regardless - which I'm pretty sure every bride does, as long as the groom turns up!! :)


Bex said...

Your day sounds wonderful!

I think actually my biggest regret was not wearing the stunning Tiffany dragonfly necklace on the day that Nik's parents bought me! I was so determined not to have a strapless dress purely because it was what everyone was doing and therefore had decided to not wear a necklace at all (despite having bought myself a not nearly as nice dragonfly pendant before finding my dress). Not only did my halterneck prevent me wearing such a gorgeous, touching gift but also didn't actually look that great in the photos, was uncomfortable and pulled my dress forward making my boobs disappear and giving me back 'muffin top' over the dress! Wish I had noticed all that before I left the flat as we were running late (photographer was 30 mins late delaying my getting ready) and got dressed in a rush when the taxi arrived!!

But, we're looking at the positives - even though my armpits were squished, I was still smiling ;D

Kate said...

I thought you looked truly gorgeous.

I was also determined not to wear a strapless dress, and totally got your need for halterneck straps. I thought your dress and straps were perfect. You have a lifetime of wearing the Tiffany necklace.


kates said...

That definitely comes across Bex - so pleased you were honest!

I forgot to mention in my post - you look radiant on your wedding day, you would never know from your smile that there were any problems at all!!


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