Saturday, 21 September 2013

My lucky number!

by Bex

You may have seen this morning that I Instagrammed/Tweeted about having undergone an IVF procedure.  I wasn't planning to tweet about it and wasn't sure if I should as I don't want to seem like I'm banging on about it.  But then I thought about how supportive everyone has been and also about all the comments thanking me for my honesty and my own thoughts on being open about these things and Nik didn't mind, so I did.  I asked Nik to take my photo as we were waiting for all the final checks before I was wheeled through to theatre and then again when I was enjoying my cup of tea afterwards.  And I just wanted to share it, as I do when I'm enjoying my food or sharing my outfits.  It just seems natural to me now that I don't have to keep it a secret, I can share these things just like I share other things going on in my life.  You know this blog has developed into more than just a diary but Roz and I both like writing about all kinds of things going on in our lives as well as telling you all about great places to eat and shop and (hopefully) inspiring you with our style and home posts.  ;)

Not quite so stylish but thank you to Katie for saying I even made hospital look glam!  :)

Funnily enough, a couple of hours later I received my daily Emerald Street email and it was all about oversharing on Twitter.  Ha!

Anyway, whatever people may think (and they may be right about the attention bit if I'm perfectly honest), I don't really care as the support I continue to receive does make me feel better about all the crappiness we have to put up with during treatments, etc.  I love reading everyones good luck comments and hugs (and even snogs from Aisling!), they're the perfect distraction.

So, I wanted to write about today before tomorrow happens.  I will update this tomorrow but I wanted to write everything down the way I am feeling at the moment, I may not feel like writing much tomorrow depending on the news.  We're almost back at the same stage where it all ended so suddenly last time.  Last time we were thrilled to get 7 eggs given everyone's low expectations due to my low ovarian reserve and it turned out 6 of them were mature but none of them fertilised.  This means we had no embryos to implant and that cycle was just done, over.  No-one could tell us why, they still don't know, and it's pretty unusual (about 5% of cases apparently).

This time round I have been taking DHEA (ordered online from America on the suggestion of one consultant as there is some evidence it can help) to try to improve my egg quality and they're doing things slightly differently in the lab.  They seem pretty positive that will make a difference but as they don't know the problem, they don't know if my eggs will ever fertilise.  It's fair to say I am pretty anxious at this stage but have actually been much less emotional during this round of treatment as I have such low expectations.  (It's also helped knowing exactly what what to expect at each stage.)

The thing is, I'm still getting excited at all the little positives, despite trying to remain calm and keep things in perspective so I don't have a major crash again.  This time round, from the very first scan to check my follicles were responding, there was a massive difference in the number.  FourTEEN as opposed to just 4 last time!  At the next scan a large number were getting bigger and looked to be doing well but more slowly than last time.  We had a 3rd scan this time at which point we were told about 9 of them looked ready for theatre and that was planned for Friday (today as I write this).

I mentioned before about how Nik recorded me coming round last time and it was absolutely hilarious to listen back to the voice recording of me babbling on - mainly about my hand being stingy where the venflon was inserted!  This time my hand was fine and I felt much more comfortable going into theatre (to the sounds of Abba) as I was prepared to be alone and put to sleep this time.  (Last time I had thought I would just be lightly sedated and Nik would be able to come into the room too but they told me that I would be completely unconscious and Nik would have to stay behind.  Not knowing this in advance made it quite scary on the day.)

This time Nik was reluctant to do record me again as he was convinced that I would blurt something out about him recording me in front of the nurse in my sedated state!  He did it anyway and I have just listened back to it - it's pretty amusing!  We got 9 eggs this time so even better than last time!  Amazing!  That's pretty much what I keep repeating - that and the fact Abba was on and everyone was so nice.  And I didn't drop Nik in it by asking about recordings.  ;)  (Oh, and Roz - you got a mention in my drunken-like state - you would have liked the theatre walls as they were purple!  lol!)

So right now, I'm lying in bed after a chilled out day with Mum watching films under a duvet on the sofa and eating yummy comfort food.  We even got a bit of sorting done in the spare room after a nap.  Oh and do you remember this?  Nik took over the parking ticket issue for me and we just heard back today that they've given up after our appeal, hooray!

 Happy flowers (very cool sunflowers with green centres!)

Sorting lots of books for Roz's library!

 Dinner - salad (since I dropped the tub of mozzarella balls and it burst!) and roast pork with mash and broccoli :)

I'm currently trying not to think about what happens next as we will find out at around 10am tomorrow morning whether we have any embryos.  Whenever I think about going to sleep, it feels a bit like Christmas Eve - that level of excitement for the morning but with an added layer of anxiety!  Tomorrow I will either be high as a kite or pretty upset.  If it doesn't work this time, there's not much else we can do, although we have been told we can keep trying rounds of IVF as it doesn't mean it will never work but they just don't know.  That could get pretty costly with no definite end date to give up, as I'm sure you can imagine!  We've decided we'll try it one more time before thinking about other options.

If it does work, we have theatre again on Monday for the implantation followed by the dreaded 2 week wait everyone trying to conceive goes through, only 10 times more stressful as we don't get to try every month or know if it will ever work.  This is the point where most IVF cycles fail to work and we are still acutely aware that even if we get embryos, it doesn't mean we'll have success.  I'm trying to stay level-headed but I have to say, I'll be pretty excited if we manage to get lots of (or even any) embryos!  Eeek, SO nervous!

I'm off to try to get to sleep now, as Mum always said on Christmas Eve - the sooner you get to sleep, the quicker tomorrow will come.  ;)

Update: (Saturday)


I woke up at 6.30am despite staying up late.  Urgh.  Managed to get back to sleep.  I didn't want to get up and be all anxious waiting for the call.  I woke up a further two times until at 10am I eventually gave up and got out of bed.  They called two minutes later!

We have 8 fantastic looking embryos!  I can hardly believe it!  I was so worried it would fail again and we'd never get any further!  I am so excited and thrilled.  8 is my lucky number so surely it has to work ;)  Obviously we won't be getting all 8 implanted - I do not want to be the next Octomom!!  But we have to decide between 1 or 2 embryos.  There are risks with having 2 implanted as they both might implant and we could have a difficult pregnancy and higher miscarriage potential if it results in twins BUT it would give us a higher chance of any pregnancy!  Also I'd quite like a 2 for 1 deal!!  ;)

We'll decide after we've spoken to the embryologists again on Monday when we go in for the next procedure.  Fingers crossed it all goes well and in a few weeks I can let you know what happens.  Obviously with you all knowing about this, we will not be waiting 3 months to break the news if we're successful!  If it does all go wrong I'm pretty sure I'll be writing about that anyway.  I'm just so relieved that we've gotten one step further.  Fingers crossed again for the next stage!  :D


Lee-Anne said...

So happy for you in achieving this step in the process. Good luck for the rest of your journey x

Fee said...

Oooh, congratulations on this exciting step! I will be keeping everything crossed for you. So very happy for you x

Claire said...

Bex and Nik I am so blooming happy for you!! Keeping everything crossed for successful transfer and an easy two week wait. Xx

Lisa-Marie said...

I'm so pleased for you both!! I am crossing everything! Xxx

Nita said...

Fantastic, everything crossed for Monday and the future xx

Kirsty | A Safe Mooring said...

Yay! Been thinking of you all morning, so happy you had good news. Big hugs to you and fingers crossed for Monday xx

Lorna said...

Keeping everything crossed for you Bex, I'm so glad the process has been better for you both (and your mummy!)this time.Hope the weekend flies by! x

Anonymous said...

Get two! GET TWO! Oh man, I am SO BLOODY HAPPY FOR YOU! Congratulations!

Amanda M said...

What wonderful news! I'm so happy for you. Fingers crossed for the next stage.

Andrea Marie said...

Such wonderful news Bex- you'll both be in my thoughts and prayers. One if my good friends has gone through the exact same thing this weekend, also with success- implantation is tomorrow. You have been so brave and courageous sharing your difficult journey. Take care of yourself x

Anna, Oh yes! I like that. said...

So pleased it was good news today. Keeping everything crossed for you. Can they keep these 8 embryos for you? I don't really know how that bit works but good luck with one or two that you decide on Monday. Sending so much love and good luck wishes yours and Nik's way. Thinking of you both. So pleased you have your mum here this time. Lots of love xxxx

Jen said...

Yay - that is happy news! Good luck for the next bit. Will be thinking of you. Lovely that your Mum is here too.

Clareybear said...

So happy for you both and crossing everything for the next stage


Amanda said...

Good luck, I am so happy to read the good news, and will be thinking and praying for you these days.

It is funny how the protocols are different by country. I was not put to sleep (well I could have been, but I wanted to watch), the husband was with me the whole time, actually holding my hand, and it was not in theatre (that is a surgery room right?) but at the normal gynaecologists room where we had the follicle monitoring. We also did not get to choose how many embryos we got transferred... for the first 2 tries they transfer only 1, to minimize risks, and apparently the government takes this very seriously and they check the lab regularly.

I really hope everything will go well from here. Sending you love and hope, just keep thinking positive.

Unknown said...

Am keeping everything crossed through this whole process xx

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